Friday, September 26, 2008

My BJ's Are Better Than Yours.....

Now, I am not what you consider to be a 'small' girl. In fact, I have been fond of saying that I don't have curves, I have road blocks. But through extensive research (and yes, I do mean EXTENSIVE), I have come to the conclusion that there are some things that girls of my...stature do better than girls of a thinner nature. One of these things is blowjobs.
Now before the comments and the emails, etc., begin about how this couldn't possibly be true, I have come up with three very good reasons as to why this is. They are as follows:

1-) Chubby girls rarely get men to come back to their places. This is true and you know it is and anyone who disagrees can not talk to me for two to four minutes. We get so excited when we finally do get a man back to the lair, we've got to figure out a way to keep him there. A magically delicious mouth is a sure fire way to get any man to forget that he went home with the big 'un friend.

2-) We've been shoving shit into our mouths for years!!! And when you think on the fact that the things that we've been throwing down our gullets are decidedly phallic in nature (Twinkie's, Ho Ho's, etc.)......seriously. Blow jobs are like the chubby girl Olympics and every big girl has been training for the gold medal since she was in size 14 husky jeans.

And lastly, and this is the most important in my book...

3-) Our mothers always taught us to swallow. Mull that one over a bit.

Line forms to the left, gentlemen. Single file, please. Thank you.